Domesticity and calm

Richard and I had just moved back from Vancouver. When we first came back to Alberta, it was a bit of an unsettled time for us, both trying to find our way after post-secondary - a time when jobs were scarce and money was tight. We were married the year before and pursuing a job for him, we ended up in Vancouver only to find that it was so expensive to live there that every dime we were making, we were spending. The cost of housing was crazy, and after a long debate we decided to come back to Alberta with our tails between our legs. A decision that at that time embarrassed us slightly - it was like we gave up.

We moved in to a lovely little townhouse on the west end of the city. It was a bilevel and had been recently renovated. We laughed at how cheap the rent seemed (move to a big city and your perspective completely changes about what cheap rent is!). Our little condo was our first home it seemed. It was the first place that I really felt that we belonged, and that was ours. I also think that I finally settled into married life, and felt like I was coming into my own. I focused on decorating the place, buying hunter green and burgandy throw cushions and placemats for the table. I went to a few Partylite candle parties and filled our place with lovely scents of vanilla and sometimes honeydew.

This is the time when I remember purchasing Simple Abundance: A daybook of comfort and joy, by Sarah Ban Breathnach. I can't remember if it was on Oprah first, and that's how I found it, or maybe I found it first and then it was on Oprah. Either way I was fascinated by this beautiful pink hard covered book, with a lesson for every day of the year and a pink ribbon page marker nestled inside. A page per day that would enlighten me and give me ideas of how to do things better, and how to live a more authentic life.

I began to highlight passages in the book that were important to me (I'm really ok with marking up my books - I know that drives some people crazy!). When I open the page to August 1, I found that I highlighted "A Path with Heart: A guide through the perils and promises of spiritual life" by Jack Kornfield. This book of buddism and living authentically will cross my path many times in my life, and I have still yet to read it. (I actually purchased the podcast of the book and listened to the first half hour or so, but haven't finished it - must add that to the list).  The focus of the passage is "am I following a path with heart?"

Was I? I think at this time in my life I was feeling a bit disillusioned and lost. After completing a Bachelor's degree in Medical Laboratory Sciences, I graduated with distinction yet that meant nothing for there were no jobs to be had.  After moving back to Edmonton, there was no job waiting for me, and I was trying to figure out what to do. With that, I started to really think about what it was that I wanted to do to live a life that I enjoyed and not just endured.

I remember reading the pages of the book and thinking about all of the things that I loved: cooking, organizing, decorating, gardening, crochetting, crafting. It made me think of how women used to be, before they entered the work force. Tending to the house, enjoying caring for their families. It was from this book that I first heard of Hestia. Of Ancient Greek mythology Hestia is the goddess of hearth, architecture and the right ordering of domesticity, the family and the state. I was enamoured with this kind of being, one that cared for the home and was seen as the center of the home and family. The hearth. She was a goddess...important...

My grandma reminded me of Hestia. Always working hard, cooking and caring. The center and hearth of her family and then extended family. At this time I think I was at a juncture of my own life. I pursued the career but was starting to feel the yearnings of a life of simple domesticity. Yet I knew that I had to work (tons of debt incurred from student loans had to be paid off). I felt conflicted and without choice. This is the first time that I had ever thought that I might want something other than the career life. The beginning of what would be a conflict in my life for the next 20 years (it's still going).

I keep this book close to me. It's usually found in my bedside table, or near my coffee table. I pick it up every now and then, thumbing through the daily pages which remind me of that life of domesticity and calm that I yearned for...

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